Hydrodoofus Bill had been at his job for 7 years, sitting at the same desk, looking out the same window, using the same computer (cheap ass company...) with the same secretary. Every weekday, For 7 years. Until today. A small scrap of paper drifted through his window. Intrigued by it, Bill picked it up and looked at it. It had the word "Hydrodoofus" written on it. Having no clue what Hydrodoofus meant, he tried looking it up in his dictionary, to no avail. So he went to ask his secretary, Gayle, what it meant. "Gayle, this piece of paper with this word on it drifted in to my office, and I don't have the foggiest what it means." he said. To which Gayle replied "Well, I know quite a bit in the way of words, go ahead" "Hydrodoofus" Gayle grew outraged at the word and immediately smacked Bill across the face, and then walked out yelling back "I quit!" Bill was a little perturbed by this, but, seeing as how Gayle was both ugly, and not that good of a secretary to begin with, he didn't care too much. Continuing on, he went to go talk to his boss, Jim, to ask him what the word might mean. "Jim, this scrap of paper with a word on it drifted into my office, and I want to find out what the word means, when I read it to Gayle, she just slapped me across the face and quit." Jim responded with "Well, that's strange, ah well, she wasn't that great a lay to begin with, we can get a new piece of ass, anyhow, what's the word?" "Hydrodoofus" Jim's face grew a deep shade of red, and he immediately pointed a finger at Bill and shouted "Get the hell out of here, your fired!" Strongly distraught by losing his job, Bill started leaving. Along the way, he came to the water cooler guy, Ted. Ted was a somewhat mellow guy; maybe he wouldn't get angry if the word Hydrodoofus was said. "Ted, this scrap of paper drifted into my office today, and I want to find out what the word means, when I read it to Gayle, she just slapped me across the face and quit. When I read it to Jim, he fired me! Could ya help me out?" "Sure Bill, what's the word?" "Hydrodoofus" Immediately Bill grabbed the water cooler he was standing by and *threw* it at Bill, then, while he was down, Ted kicked him a few times and walked off. Now in great pain, as well as very wet, Bill left the building he had worked in for 7 years, only to see that his car was being towed! Rushing up to the tow truck, he yelled to the driver. "What the hell are you doing?" "I'm towing your car, your boss ordered it" came the reply. "Well, I can drive it home, I'm right here, just set it down" Bill implored. The Tow Truck Guy said "Oh, alright..." Bill thought about it, and asked the driver, "Say, this scrap of paper with a word on it drifted into my office, and I want to find out what the word means, when I read it to my secretary, she just slapped me across the face and quit. I read it to my boss, and he fired me, and the water cooler guy beat the crap out of me. I just want to know, what's the word mean?!?" The Tow truck drive shot back "What's the word?" "Hydrodoofus" Without a word the tow truck driver put the pedal to the metal and drove as fast as a tow truck could go (which, for that truck, wasn't very fast). Now, without a car, Bill had to walk home, a good 20 miles. Walking along, he tried to get cars to stop to give him a ride, since it was just off a busy highway, and there weren't many exits on it. After an hour or two or trying, he finally got a big rig to stop for him. Sitting in the truck, he introduced himself to the driver, a surly gentleman named Jimmy. A few minutes later, the curiosity overwhelmed him again, and he asked "This scrap of paper with a word on it drifted into my office, and I want to find out what the word means, when I read it to my secretary, she just slapped me across the face and quit. I read it to my boss, and he fired me, and the water cooler guy beat the crap out of me. Then the tow truck guy towed my car after I read it to him. And all I want is to know what it means!" "Whus da word?" "Hydrodoofus" Immediately Jimmy slammed on the brakes, sending poor Bill through the window! (Remember kids, buckle your safety belts!) After barely dodging the giant truck, he was left bruised and bloody by the side of the highway. After walking the few remaining miles home, he proceeded to walk up to his door, only to see his kids and wife playing baseball out front. "Hi kids" He yelled. "Hi Dad, what happened to you?" replied his son. "Say, this scrap of paper with a word on it drifted into my office, and I want to find out what the word means, when I read it to my secretary, she just slapped me across the face and quit. I read it to my boss, and he fired me, and the water cooler guy beat the crap out of me. Then the tow truck guy towed my car after I read it to him. I hitchhiked home, and when I read it to the truck driver, he stopped so fast I flew through the window! And all I want is to know what it means!" "Well, what's the word dad?" his son replied. "Hydrodoofus" After hearing this, his son proceeded to come at him with the ball bat! After a severe testicular beating, his wife kicked him good and hard and told him, "I want a divorce!" And then left. After lying on the ground, crying like a baby for what seemed to be a few hours (but was, in actuality, a few hours) Bill finally got up, and bandaged himself up, but that curiosity was still lingering. He went outside again, realized he was car-less, and instead thought about asking his neighbor, Kyle. "This scrap of paper with a word on it drifted into my office, and I want to find out what the word means, when I read it to my secretary, she just slapped me across the face and quit. I read it to my boss, and he fired me, and the water cooler guy beat the crap out of me. Then the tow truck guy towed my car after I read it to him. I hitchhiked home, and when I read it to the truck driver, he stopped so fast I flew through the window! When I read it to my family, my son pounded my balls into a fine paste with his baseball bat, and my wife said she wanted a divorce! All I want is to know what it means!" "Sounds rough Bill, What's the word?" "Hydrodoofus" Upon hearing the word, Kyle proceeded to pounce on Bill and give him what would have to be the most painful beating of his life, (well, up to that point anyhow). To this pain, he passed out. When he woke up, it was night. It was also upside down, or rather, he was. Kyle had used a hose to hang him upside down from a tree, but that wasn't the worse part, he was also naked. No, not even THAT was the worst part. There were cops there, and they were laughing at him. When they asked him what happened he replied- "This scrap of paper with a word on it drifted into my office, and I want to find out what the word means, when I read it to my secretary, she just slapped me across the face and quit. I read it to my boss, and he fired me, and the water cooler guy beat the crap out of me. Then the tow truck guy towed my car after I read it to him. I hitchhiked home, and when I read it to the truck driver, he stopped so fast I flew through the window! When I read it to my family, my son pounded my balls into a fine paste with his baseball bat, and my wife said she wanted a divorce! When I told my neighbor, he kicked my ass and hung me upside down like this! All I want is to know what it means!" As the cops were about to pull him loose, they asked him what the word was, to which he simply said, with a large amount of dread in his voice, "Hydrodoofus" Instantaneously he was beaten like a pi�ata as a birthday party, and hauled off to jail. Naked, alone, bloody. When he again regained consciousness, he had a good amount of pain in his rectum, and he was in jail, in a prisoner outfit. His cellmate was a hulking brute of a man, who he later learned was named Bubba. When Bubba asked what happened to him, Bill replied... "This scrap of paper with a word on it drifted into my office, and I want to find out what the word means, when I read it to my secretary, she just slapped me across the face and quit. I read it to my boss, and he fired me, and the water cooler guy beat the crap out of me. Then the tow truck guy towed my car after I read it to him. I hitchhiked home, and when I read it to the truck driver, he stopped so fast I flew through the window! When I read it to my family, my son pounded my balls into a fine paste with his baseball bat, and my wife said she wanted a divorce! When I told my neighbor, he kicked my ass and hung me upside down from a tree! Then, when I told the cops, they kicked my ass and sent me to jail! All I want is to know what it means!" "So... umm... what's the word?" "Hydrodoofus" Upon hearing that word, Bubba went nuts, grabbed Bill, and used his head as a suprisingly effective battering ram to destroy the wall, and make his escape. Bill was a Good Samaritan at heart, and also had severe head trauma, so he decided not to escape. A few days later he was brought to county court. When they asked him about what happened he first asked if his ass would be kicked for saying any particular word. They replied no. Bill was overjoyed, as having your ass handed to you on a regular basis isn't on anyone's wish list. When the County court asked to hear his case he replied... "This scrap of paper with a word on it drifted into my office, when I read it to my secretary, she just slapped me across the face and quit. I read it to my boss, and he fired me, and the water cooler guy beat the crap out of me. Then the tow truck guy towed my car after I read it to him. I hitchhiked home, and when I read it to the truck driver, he stopped so fast I flew through the window! When I read it to my family, my son hit me in the nuts REPEATEDLY, and my wife said she wanted a divorce! When I told my neighbor, he kicked my ass and hung me upside down from a tree! When I told the cops who found me, they beat me like an overstuffed pi�ata. When I told my former cellmate, he used me as a human sledgehammer to bust open the cell wall! All I want is to know what it means!" The County Judge replied "Well, that's quite the story, what's the word?" After cringing a little, Bill replied "Hydrodoofus" The County Judge frowned a little at the word, and replied, "I don't think I can deal with this, I'm shipping you up to a higher court..." And so it went till Bill came to the Supreme Court. Pleading his case before the judges, Bill told them "This scrap of paper with a word on it drifted into my office, when I read it to my secretary, she just slapped me across the face and quit. I read it to my boss, and he fired me, and the water cooler guy threw the water cooler at me. Then the tow truck guy towed my car after I read it to him. I hitchhiked home, and when I read it to the truck driver, he stopped so fast I flew through the window! When I read it to my family, my son hit me in the nuts REPEATEDLY, and my wife said she wanted a divorce! When I told my neighbor, he kicked my ass and hung me upside down from a tree! When I told the cops who found me, they beat me like an overstuffed pi�ata. When I told my former cellmate, he used me as a human sledgehammer to bust open the cell wall! When I told the County Judge the word, he sent me to the State Judge, the state judge sent me up to the circuit judge, the circuit judge sent me here. All I want is to know what it means!" One of the Supreme Court judges replied "Hmm, what's the word?" "Hydrodoofus" After talking betwixt themselves for a while, one of them replied "We don't think we can handle this, we're sending you to the president" Bill was starting to feel pretty important, he had gotten to the Supreme Court, and now was going to meet the president! Conferring with the president, Bill told him "This scrap of paper with a word on it drifted into my office, when I read it to my secretary, she just slapped me across the face and quit. I read it to my boss, and he fired me, and the water cooler guy beat the crap out of me. Then the tow truck guy towed my car after I read it to him. I hitchhiked home, and when I read it to the truck driver, he stopped so fast I flew through the window! When I read it to my family, my son hit me in the nuts REPEATEDLY, and my wife said she wanted a divorce! When I told my neighbor, he kicked my ass and hung me upside down with a hose! When I told the cops who found me, they beat me like an overstuffed pi�ata. When I told my former cellmate, he used me as a human sledgehammer to bust open the cell wall! When I told the County Judge the word, he sent me to the State Judge, the state judge sent me up to the circuit judge, the circuit judge sent me to the Supreme Court, and the supreme court sent me here. All I want is to know what it means!" George Dubya replied, "Well Bill, what's the word?" "Hydrodoofus" George furrowed his brow in his subintelligent way, and told Bill "I've got no clue, but, I think the pope might know, so I'm gonna arrange for you to meet him" Bill was pretty happy about this, after all the ass kickings, and humiliations from wanting to know what the word meant, he was going to meet the pope! Flying to Vatican City on Air Force One he went almost immediately to the pope, however, since it was 3 A.M. V.C. time, he had to sleep. Waking up the next morning, he went to talk to the pope, and laid out his story all over again. "This scrap of paper with a word on it drifted into my office, and I want to find out what the word means, when I read it to my secretary, she just slapped me across the face and quit. I read it to my boss, and he fired me, and the water cooler guy beat the crap out of me. Then the tow truck guy towed my car after I read it to him. I hitchhiked home, and when I read it to the truck driver, he stopped so fast I flew through the window! When I read it to my family, my son hit me in the nuts REPEATEDLY, and my wife said she wanted a divorce! When I told my neighbor, he kicked my ass and hung me upside down from a tree! When I told the cops who found me, they beat me like an overstuffed pi�ata. When I told my former cellmate, he used me as a human sledgehammer to bust open the cell wall! When I told the County Judge the word, he sent me to the State Judge, the state judge sent me up to the circuit judge, the circuit judge sent me to the supreme court, and the supreme court sent me to that idjit George Dubya. He sent me to you, your Popeliness. All I want is to know what the word means!" "What is the word my child" Replied the religious icon. "Hydrodoofus" "Well, my child, I believe I saw it on the bus stop across the street. Go there, and check, hurry!" Bill left the Pope's house, and ran across the street... only to be hit by a bus. He then died. THE END THE MORAL OF THE STORY- Look both ways before you cross the street.