So there's this kid, and he loves clowns. Just loves 'em. Has since he was a baby. Everything in his room is clowns. He's got clown sheets, clown curtains, clown posters, clown lampshade, clown dolls, clown chair. Everything is clowns. The kid loves clowns.

One day he's walking home from school and passes by a poster for the circus coming to town. He grabs the poster and runs all the way home, waves the poster at his mom and yells "MOM MOM MOM MOM THE CIRCUS IS COMING TO TOWN! WE GOTTA GO TO THE CIRCUS TO SEE THE CLOWNS! MOM MOM MOM MOM WE GOTTA SEE THE CLOWNS THIS WEEKEND MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM WE GOTTA GO TO THE CIRCUS TO SEE THE CLOWNS MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM!"

The kid's mom tries to calm him down and she says "I don't know.... it's kind of short notice and - " " BUT MOM WE GOTTA GO SEE THE CLOWNS AT THE CIRCUS AND THE CLOWNS ARE ONLY GONNA BE HERE THIS WEEKEND MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM WE GOTTA GO TO THE CIRCUS AND SEE THE CLOWNS! MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM!"

Finally she gives in and says, "OK. If you do all your chores. And If you do all your homework. All week long. We'll go to the circus on Saturday and see the clowns." "MOM MOM MOM THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU! I PROMISE TO DO ALL MY HOMEWORK AND ALL MY CHORES AS LONG AS I GET TO SEE THE CLOWNS!"

So all week long he does the dishes and he takes out the trash. And all week long he does his math and his spelling. And finally the big day. It's Saturday. The kid and his mom leave for the circus. He's got his clown t-shirt on. He's got his clown hat on. He's got his clown shoes on. He's bouncing up and down in his seat the whole way, chanting "ALRIGHT! GONNA GO SEE THE CLOWNS! GONNA GO SEE THE CLOWNS! GONNA GO SEE THE CLOWNS! GONNA GO SEE THE CLOWNS!"

The finally get to the circus and as they make their way to their seats, he just gets more and more excited. "ALRIGHT GONNA SEE THE CLOWNS! ALRIGHT GONNA SEE THE CLOWNS!" As they're sitting there waiting for the show to begin... Out steps the Ring Master! And he does his thing. Kid says "I don't wanna see the ring master, I wanna see the clowns!" Then the lion tamers come out and they do their thing. Kid says "I don't wanna see the lion tamers, I wanna see the clowns!" Then the acrobats come out and they do their thing. Kid says "I don't wanna see the acrobats, I wanna see the clowns!" Then the elephants come out and they do their thing. Kid says "I don't wanna see the elephants, I wanna see the clowns!" And finally, at long last, after a whole week of waiting.... A spot light comes shines down at the other end of the arena, and this tiny little car drives out onto the ring.

And out step all these clowns. Big ones, small ones, skinny ones, fat ones, giant clowns, midget clowns, old ones, young ones, male clowns, female clowns. And they're doing their clown thing. They've got the seltzer water, and the pies, and the flower that squirts water, and the never ending scarves and all sorts of zany hilarity. The kid is in heaven. He's loving every minute of it.

After several minutes of this revelry, out from the car steps the head, master, boss, chief King Clown. Very regal and in charge looking clown. He steps out of the car with a microphone in his hand and says "For this joke, I need a volunteer from the audience." Everybody is raising their hands and saying "ME! ME!" But none more enthusiastically than the kid, who's waving his hands all over the place, screaming at the top of his lungs "PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME!" The Head Clown points to the kid and says "You young man! I like you're enthusiasm, come on down here, son!" So the kid runs on down and stands proudly next to the clown. The clown says "I need to ask you a few questions. Are you a penguin?" "NOOOOOOO I'M NOT A PENGUIN!" "Well, then are you a polar bear?" "NOOOOOOOO I'M NOT A POLAR BEAR!" Well... then you must be a jackass." And everybody bursts out laughing. All the clowns are laughing. Everyone in the audience is laughing. The acrobats are laughing. Even the lions are doing a little lion type laugh. The kids mom... laughing. But the kid doesn't get it. He knows he just got made fun of, but he doesn't get it. And that's all he can think about for the rest of the circus. That's all he can think about for the entire drive home.

And once they get home, he decides that he HATES clowns from that point on. He gets rid of everything clowns in his room, he gets rid of the clown sheets, clown curtains, clown posters, clown lampshade, clown dolls, clown chair. Everything. Except for the books. Because he decides that he's going to get revenge on this clown.

So he studies every clown book he can. Learns all of the secrets, tricks, jokes to clowning. He goes to the library and learns all about clowning. He watches every tape and DVD he can about clowns. The kid learns the art of clowning. When he grows up and graduates high school, he goes to Clown College. Gets more in-depth with his studies. The kid knows everything there is to know about clowning.

Now, 20 years later, the kid knows clowning inside and out. He knows all there is. So he tracks down that circus, and finds out it's coming to a town a few counties over, so he makes the trip. He patiently and calmly walks to his seat. The ring master steps out and he does his thing. The kid waits patiently. The lion tamers come out and they do their thing. The kid waits patiently. The acrobats come out and they do their thing. The kid waits patiently. Then the elephants come out and they do their thing. The kid waits patiently.

Finally, after 20 years. A spot light comes shines down at the other end of the arena, and this tiny little car drives out onto the ring. And out step all these clowns. Big ones, small ones, skinny ones, fat ones, giant clowns, midget clowns, old ones, young ones, male clowns, female clowns. And they're doing their clown thing. They've got the seltzer water, and the pies, and the flower that squirts water, and the never ending scarves and all sorts of zany hilarity. The kid waits patiently.

After several minutes of this revelry, out from the car steps the head, master, boss, chief King Clown. Very regal and in charge looking clown. A little older, obviously. But the kid knows. He knows that it's the same clown. He steps out of the car with a microphone in his hand and says "For this joke, I need a volunteer from the audience." Everybody's raising their hands, yelling "ME! ME!" But above everyone else, the head clown here's the kid say, in a clear, authoritative voice "PICK ME!"

The head clown says "Well, ummmm, I've never picked anyone your age before, but you sir, come on down, come on down." The kid stands up and calmly walks down to the ring and stands next to the head clown. The clown says "I need to ask you a few questions. Are you a penguin?" "No. I am not a penguin" "Well, then are you a polar bear?" "No, I am not a polar bear." Well... then you must be a jackass." And everybody bursts out laughing. All the clowns are laughing. Everyone in the audience is laughing. The acrobats are laughing. Even the lions are doing a little lion type laugh. The kid holds up his hands to quiet everyone down, which they do. The kid grabs the microphone from the head clown, turns to him. The kid looks the clown square in his eyes, says, "No I'm not clown. Fuck you!" and then walks away.